Footprints In The Sand

This week has been a very stressful and emotional week for me. On Saturday night my dad came in from Texas with his wife and their kids. I knew that this visit was coming and I was fine with the idea of him being here but on Sunday morning when I actually saw him for the first time since I married (2 years ago) all the emotions came flooding back. I was a wreck. All I could do was cry. My situation with my dad is very hard for me. He did so much in the past that hurt me deeply and everytime I see him I am reminded of all the hurt he caused. The thing that irritates me the most about him being here is that I have overcome all the hurt that I had. I have come a long way in the last few years and I know that I have my Papa God who will never leave me. I know this deep down but it feels that when my dad is around, I take steps back and I let him get to me. It's like I am back in that place again and I am hurt all over again.

During worship on Sunday, a poem came to my mind that I as sure you all know. It was the "Footprints in the Sand". While I think this poem is a little cheesy, it is exactly what I needed. During the time in my life when I was dealing with all the crap in my life, God really was carrying me through everything. I was reminded that even though my earthy dad wants nothing to do with me, my Heavenly Father wants nothing more than to spend time with me and hold me in His arms and tell me how much He loves me. This just overwhelmes me. He reminded me that I have overcome through Him. Even though things in the past still hurt a little and I still cry every now and then, that doesn't mean I am still in that place. It just means I am human. I have emotions.

Just like the poem, when I look back on my life and see that there is only one set of footprints, it's not because God walked away from me, those are the times when he carried me through. When he was my strength when I was weak. I thank God everyday that He loves me so much. I pray that my dad would one day understand this love that God not only has for me but for him as well. I do hope that one day my dad and I can have a relationship. That we can reconnect. But until that time, I know that my God will be by my side always.

The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Waiting on Him.....

Recently in REAL68 girls discipleship we have been studying about Hannah and her struggles and triumphs in God. Last night was our final night and I really felt like it was a good one. The point of the final lesson was that God had turned things around for Hannah in the end because she had stayed faithful and had not tried to rush God or do things on her own. God blessed her with Samual and she kept to her promise and gave him back to the Lord. Even though I was teaching this lesson for middle school girls, I really felt like God was speaking to me.

Currently I am at a place in my life where I am waiting on God. I find myself continuously praying and asking but feel as though my prayers are unanswered. I have recently been feeling so discouraged. I know my God is great and He does answer our calls but it is so hard to wait on Him when you desire something so much it hurts. Everything inside me is trying to find a way around waiting patiently and just getting what I want but I know that blessing comes to those who wait and trust in Him. There was a verse that I read last night that gave me hope. Its 1 Samual 2:20-21 "Before they returned home, Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife and say, 'May the Lord give your other children to take the place of this one she gave to the Lord.' And the Lord gave Hannah three sons and two daughters. Meanwhile, Samual grew up in the presence of the Lord" Hannah had waited years and years for her son Samual but never lost faith in the Lord. She continuosly prayed and sought after Him knowing He was going to work things out. When she finally got what she had prayed for she kept to her promise and brought him back to the temple to live. Hannah waited paitently for the Lord to work and because of it, she was blessed even more in the end.

I want to be like Hannah. I need to trust in the Lord and patiently wait for Him to move. I know he will and I know that when he does it will be amazing. He makes all things work together for my good and I trust in Him.

Tattoo....Socks?

Okay, so my good freind Brittlee introduced me to these and I think they are the greatest. I will definetly be ordering some very soon. Make fun of me if you like but I love them.

"But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered in his presence, and he will seperate the people as a shepherd separtates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.'

"Then these righteous ones will reply, 'Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?'

"And the King will say, I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!'

"Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, 'Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons. For I was hungry, and you didn't feed me. I was thristy, and you didn't give me a drink. I was a stranger, and you didn't invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn't give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and ou didn't visit me.'

Then they will reply, 'Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?'

"And he will answer, 'I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.'

"And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into eternal life."

Recently, it seems as though God has been giving me reminders of passions and disires He placed in my heart years ago. Through various people and organizations, He has been tugging at my heart. Breaking is again for the lost and hurting. I remember just a few short years ago, I was continuosly burdened with compassion for the broken. The ones that were in poverty, had no hope, and had no Jesus. I knew then that my life needed to be dedicated to helping in any way I could. Whether that meant bringing awareness or going to those places myself. I remember thinking that I didn't care what I needed to do or what I had to live without, I was going to be Jesus hands and feet. Over a course of time, I began to forget the dreams and started to live in "reality". I still cared but I needed to start thinking about rent, gas food and other bills. I didn't have time to help. I could give money and pray but I was too busy to give my time. But thankfuly my God loves me too much to let me forget.

About 2 months ago I overheard two people talking about how they believe that God didn't want them to be "burdened" with the problems of this world. God wanted them to care and have compassion but being burdened was not part of it. I began to think about this and this conversation has been playing over and over in my head. Is it true that God does not want us to be burdened? Yes, God asks us to cast our burdens on Him but I also feel that if we were never burdened with compassion then, nothing would ever get change. The people in the past (and present) that are making a change started doing so because they were burdened. They so bothered by the issue and they had so much love for the ones in need that they wouldn't just stand by and watch. The did something. I think that there are things we get burdened with that we shouldn't be (finances, stress, etc) but I think that being burdened with compassion towards the broken is okay. We can take that burden to God and he will help us to help others. I may be wrong in saying any of this but its how I feel.

With all of that said God has begun to re-awaken something inside of me. A dream and desire to be the change. Last night, with tears in my eyes, I expressed to my husband how I felt. How I was tired of being a by stander and I was ready to take a stand and help in any way I could. I thank God for him because at that moment he took my hands and told me that he was waiting for this day to come. He knew when he married me that I had these dreams and he was waiting for the time that I would come to him and tell him my plan. Then he continued to tell me that whatever it was that I decided to do, he would be there to support me 100% no matter what it was. He knew this is a God-given passion and he wasn't going to stand in the way. I love him so much. I thank God for all he has been speaking to me and for what I know He is going to do through me in the future. And also for the other amazing people who are so inspiring to me. (Amanda, Laurie, Sara and most of all my mom). This Thanksgiving I have so much to be thankful for.

The Beginning of Fall

It used to be that I would dread the arrival of fall because that only meant the snow was about to come but it seems that this year I am so excited for it's arrival. The excitement of scarfs, sweater, hoodies and boots. I just wish the weather would realize that it is fall and we should not be enduring 90 degree weather at this time of year. Besides the weather, things have been great! We have been keeping busy with church, work and family. Our vacation was awesome and greatly needed. I finally started running again yesterday after a 2 week break. ( I did not run on vacation and the week we got back I was sick). I am enjoying the season of life we are in now. Everything seems to be falling into place and while I know that seasons come and go, I am really enjoying the one we are in now.

Mission: 5K

So recently Brandon and I have been noticeing that we are no longer in shape and have made the desicion to start working out and eating betther. We feel that we are way too young to be feeling the way we do now. I know myself all too well to know that if I do not set a goal then I will work out for maybe 2 days and then get tired of it and quit, so I set a goal. My goal is to run a 5K (3.125 miles) by November of this year. Running for me was always a time for me when I could do a lot of thinking by myself and release some stress, on the few occasions I did run. I found this great app on my iphone called Couch to 5K and started the program this morning bright and early at 5AM (which isn't really bright). It was really hard to wake up but once I actually got out of bed and got myself and Bronx ready to go, it was very nice and I enjoyed it! For someone more fit than me, my 30 minutes of walking and jogging would have been a walk in the park but for me (who hasn't worked out since high school) it was harder than I thought. I am really excited about this and I hope to complete my goal. Brandon has been a big support. Now I need to actually find a 5K to run. Any suggestions?

Life has been going great! Summer is here and we both are ready to welcome it back. We have a busy summer ahead of us and then our first vacation with just the 2 of us since our honeymoon. I can't believe that we will have been married for 1 year in just 2 short weeks. This past year has been so amazing but feels like it has gone by so fast. Not only do we have our anniversary coming up next month but we also will be celebrating both of our birthdays as well. Brandon will be 25 and I will be 23. Right now I don't really have any complaints about life. God has been speaking some amazing things to both of us and we have been truly blessed through this past year. I am so excited to see all the things He has spoken to us fulfilled. It's going to be amazing!