Restful Renewing

I find myself in a place that i haven't been in a long time.  A season that has long been forgotten.  For several years i have been consistently serving in ministry right along side Brandon.  We have done it all together.  Wednesday night services, meetings, camps, retreats, events,etc.  My life was so busy pouring into others and doing "ministry" that I allowed myself to slowly slip into a place of spiritual emptiness.  At the end of that season I had nothing left to give.  I had begun to put ministry and the call on my life above spending time with the One who placed the call on my life in the first place.  I was giving out more and more and not returning to the well for refilling.  I was trying to survive on old manna.  My foundation was cracking and then my world began to shake.

A little over a year ago, God called our family to South Carolina to take part in a church plant with some friends of ours.  I was excited for the things God had for us here and was ready for a change.  After moving here though I found myself in a place of questioning God.  Asking him why he brought us here.  What was the point?  It didn't look the way I was used to.  Everything was different and I wasn't okay with it.  What I should have done was seek the Lord for peace and guidance but what I did was again turned to busying myself with ministry.  I quickly jumped into the lifestyle that had already left my empty.  Not only that but I was doing it all without a clear vision.  I was doing it just to do it because it was comfortable.  At the time it was my safe place.  A sense of security in a time total transition.  But through it all I still had an unsettling feeling.  Like I was wandering through the desert without any direction and I was miserable.  Thank God that even in that place he was still willing to meet with me.  He was reaching out but I was refusing come close.  Instead of embracing the changes he was presenting me with I clung to what I had left behind in Colorado.  That was truly home and this place was just a temporary living arrangement.  I began to become discontent and I distanced myself from all the people God had surrounded us with.  I had hardened my heart to anything they would try to say or do for us.  They were are just weird and different in my mind so therefore I wasn't going to allow them to speak anything into my heart.  And still, God kept tugging and I kept pushing back.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to attend a women's retreat.  I really didn't want to go but my friend Carolyn insisted that I go, so with a sigh I agreed.  Before going I had resolved in my mind that there was nothing these women could teach me.  Looking back I had actually hardened my heart to anything that God wanted to do in me that weekend.   Praise God that He loves me enough to not let that happen.  He quickly softened my heart and met me in the place of worship.  He ministered to me and breathed new life into my empty soul. He showed me that I was hanging on to the past.  I needed to let go and allow him to work in this new season.  There are great things he has planned in my life but right now he needs me here to teach me.  To speak new vision and refine my calling.  In the busyness I had brought to my life I had lost sight of the importance of the restful, quiet times when God would speak to my heart.  In His complete goodness and love for me, he has brought me back to that place.  In the times when I felt abandoned he never left.  The truth was that I had walked away from that place but He never did.  He was there all along calling out and patiently waiting for me to return.

I truly believe that this season is my season of restful renewing.  This morning I was doing my bible study and this verse stuck out to me.  Almost like God has written it just for me in that moment for this time.

Matthew 11:28-30 "Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  LET ME TEACH YOU because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."

In my quiet time I could hear the voice of God speak to my heart. "Jacqueline, come to me.  Rest in me.  Allow me to give you new life.  Let me teach you!  I want to grow you.  I have a great plan for you.  Come and reconnect with me!"  My heart was overwhelmed.  I knew it was a word straight from God. He was calling me back to the secret place.  He had never left but had been waiting for me this whole time.  I know that God has a big plan for my life and I have a call to ministry and to lead. He wants to build me.  He was calling out and now I am answering.  I am choosing to take this time to rest in the Lord.  To allow him to fill my cup to overflowing.  He has my future planned out.  I am thankful for the past and all that it brought and I am looking forward to the future but right now my heart is content to rest!

Complaining in the Wilderness

^{Exodus 15:22-27}

²² Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shur. For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. ²³ When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter. (That is why the place is called Marah.^[a])²⁴ So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, “What are we to drink?”

²⁵ Then Moses cried out to the Lord, and the Lord showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became fit to drink.

There the Lord issued a ruling and instruction for them and put them to the test. ²⁶ He said, “If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you.”

²⁷ Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there near the water. 

Yesterday I read Exodus 15:22-27 and God spoke some things to me that I wanted to make sure to write down and share.  To preface this passage, the Israelites had just escaped the Egyptians, crossed the Red Sea and watched as God defeated their enemies.  Moses led them in praise to God and now they have been wandering in the desert for three days.  They haven't found water and naturally they are all thirsty.  After three days they come across an oasis in Marah but the water was too bitter to drink. And with the same mouths they had just praised God with, they began to complain.  The Bible says that they "grumbled against Moses".  Moses, instead of turning against those he was leading or complaining to God he simply came to God with a request.  This is the first "nugget" that God showed me.  God doesn't want us to come to him with complaints but simply with our requests.  All he wants is for us to ask.  Jude is only 15 months and he is starting to learn how to communicate with us.  This is a frustrating task for both him and I because he knows what he wants but lacks the vocabulary to voice it.  He often resorts to screaming at me not only out of frustration but also in hopes that I will understand what he needs.  I have been working with him on words and signs for things so that he can better communicate his needs to me without constantly screaming.  I feel like that is the place I sometimes find myself with God.  Instead of communicating what my needs are I resort to complaining.  Just like the Israelites did when they found themselves in need of drinkable water.  But Moses came before God on their behalf and made the request known.  "What are we to drink?"  That leads me to the second nugget.  Simply ask God.  He does care and he does hear our requests.  He answered Moses and told him to throw the piece of wood in the water and it would become fit to drink.  God answered and the people had water to drink.  In verse 27 we see that they were later led to and oasis in Elim where there was plenty of water and resting places for the whole group.  This is the final point.  God will answer.  I truly don't believe that God wanted his people to die of thirst.  He was willing and ready to answer he just needed them to ask.  God provided for his people then and he continues to do so today.  God wants to answer we just have to stop complaining and start asking.

The New Adventures of Peanut Butter & Jelly

In case some of you don't already know, we MOVED!!!!!  We've been here for almost 2 weeks now and I just feel so blessed.  A lot has been going on and in every situation we have seen God move.  When we arrived here two weeks ago with an amazing town home in a beautiful area and without jobs.  Thankfully God is watching over us.  He provided a job for Brandon with a landscaping company and I got a job as a nanny for a little girl who is 1 month older than Jude.  Brandon started his job this past Monday and he seems to enjoy it.  He works Monday thru Friday from 7 to 4.  It's only a mile from our house so I take him to work in the morning and pick him up when he gets off.  It's been nice to have him home at 4.  It makes my days seem shorter and we still have time to spend together as a family.  I start my new job on Monday.  I will work Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday from 7:30 to 5:30.  It's for one little girl and her parents are bringing her to my house so I can stay at home with Jude.  I couldn't ask for anything better.

My mom was here for our first week and a half.  It was so amazing to have her around.  I feel like it made my transition so much easier.  She was a huge help with Jude and having her here allowed Brandon and me to unpack a lot faster than if we had to watch Jude as well.  We went on so many adventures while she was here.  We explored all of Downtown Charleston, went to the aquarium, saw Old Town Mt. Pleasant, checked out the local beaches and ate at a few local seafood places.  Having her here was great but it was so hard to say goodbye.  Her leaving really made our move more of a reality to me.

Things with the church are going great.  We are having our first Easter Service this Sunday and we are all very excited.  I have been planning some fun activities for the children's ministry.  It's going to be so much fun.  The families at the church have been so welcoming to us.  I am so excited to see what God is going to do through Declaration Church.  I truly feel so blessed and honored to be apart of what God is doing in Mt Pleasant.  Hopefully I will be able to keep you all updated.  Thank goodness for Facebook, Blogger and Instagram!